Getting Lucky

At 24 years old I've had the opportunity to gamble intermittently through the years. I've played some slots, had a couple of scratch tickets, bought in on some raffles, and even participated in the occasional harvest party cakewalk. Now I know everybody says this, but really--I never win anything! I'm not counting things that require any sort of special skill, like sports events, or bowling tournaments. That would really help drive the point home, but it would also be really depressing in my case. I'm talking, pure, unadulterated, luck o' the draw type situations. Okay, I did win a cakewalk once, but I think everyone won in that particular event cause it was a bunch of kids, and they didn't want anyone to feel like a loser...but really, in retrospect, winning a whole cake all my own is not really what I would consider great luck for a chubby 11 year old girl--that old "lifetime on the hips" adage is haunting me to this day. Okay, okay, this is not meant to be a pity party entry, let's focus people! I know you have been eagerly awaiting the news about a possible bun in the oven over at the Migas house. I'll settle the suspense by telling you that the only baked goods developing over here this month are simply the remnants of my 13 year old cakewalk win. The June baby is a no-go. It seems we may be looking at having a kid who will never know the joy of a birthday party during the school year. Some might call it cruel, but I say, all the better for a Wild Waves birthday party right?! Right. So let's talk about luck a little bit. I don't usually subscribe to it cause my Grandma always said if we believe in luck we are taking our faith away from God's ability to provide for us. But let me tell you, my friends, this whole getting pregnant thing feels a lot like a crapshoot. Even when I've done everything to put the odds in my favor, there's not guarantee that I will have success. My expectation, as you know, was not that it would happen right away. I was kinda hoping it would though. Just cause I don't like playing games for too long when I keep losing. I've racked up quite a few unfinished games of frisbee golf in my day, which can attest to this. Let's be real: twenty-one over par on one hole is not worth seeing through 8 more--unless I'm going for my all time highest over par score, which is an entirely different story of course. I'm not saying that I'm gonna give up if I don't get my hole in one. I've gotta keep throwing, I just feel a lot less in control of the outcome. I can make sure all the pieces are in play when they're supposed to be, but will I be lucky enough to have two teeny tiny elements meet at the exact right time in the right conditions and become a viable life? So much of my life, especially my childhood, included situations which I couldn't influence or control. I've had to learn over and over again how to stop striving and just rest in the will of God. But taking that step from grasping for any bit of control I can muster, into faith, and trust, and hope in the the blessings of the King...it's just one step but I swear, in between the two there's death-defying canyon with crocodiles swimming around snapping their jaws in a rushing river at the bottom. I know, I'm not sure how the crocodiles are able to swim in place in a rushing river, or how come they can see me well enough to get really mouthwateringly hungry for dinner when I'm like 100 feet above them either. But it's all there, and it's freakin' scary. I need a sturdy rope bridge Lord! I've just got to remember that feeling of getting over to the other side. It's so much less stressful over there. They have fruity beverages with little umbrellas in 'em and stuff. You can just rest. "Be still and know that He is God" and bathe in the warm sunlight of His vast, uncompromising, miraculous, love. Deep breath taken, one last look into the eye of a ferocious crocodile, and I'm just gonna ease my way over there.

I just heard a quote the other day that I really liked, "I'd rather be an optimist and a fool than a pessimist and be right." So I'm off on my fool's quest, and as always I'll let you know how it goes.

I know my husband isn't overly disappointed--there's a few days this month he can pretty much guarantee he's getting lucky ;)

p.s. He apparently has been able to "just tell" I wasn't pregnant for about a week or so now but he didn't want to upset me by saying so...I guess I don't need to buy any more pregnancy tests for November, haha.

Halloween and Hypochondria

Well, my friends...we are just waiting now. Waiting and waiting and waiting. We are in a period commonly referred to by baby forums the world over as the "two-week-wait." Essentially, John and I have taken care of all that we have control over and now we can just sit back and relax to see if we bear fruit, as it were. Here is the challenge, however: I CAN'T WAIT! dangit! And I certainly cannot continue through a day, or several days, knowing something may be taking place in my body and not allow myself to analyze every little thing to death. We're talking about someone here who has self-diagnosed probably 20 terminal and non-terminal illnesses in herself in the last week. Ok, that may be an exaggeration, but still. (I'm just gonna clarify here and say that I am not dying, or almost dying, I'm just a hypochondriac, or in layman's terms, a woman). I gotta know! The fact is that on every website that deals with early pregnancy symptoms--and believe me I've visited every one--they make it pretty clear that symptoms before a missed period can't be trusted. They could be ovulation symptoms, they could be PMS symptoms, or any number of other things. But visit any forum of women currently in the two-week-limbo, as I like to call it, and we are all experiencing at least 5 things that (cross our fingers) most likely spell baby for us. Some of us may guard our speech and say I hope that means a positive test is coming my way, but really, you should know, we've already convinced ourselves. You might be asking yourself, why I seem to think of myself as such an expert on the subject since I've only been trying for a month. Well let me help you understand how serious of an issue this two-week-wait is for me. Every single month that I have been married I have, pretty successfully convinced myself that I was pregnant. Even though I knew that the chances were little none. Every month. So if I can't keep myself from going insane even when there's little to no hope, how can you expect me to keep it cool when I know we very well could be--PREGNANT!?! Aaaaahhhh! If I have bald patches next time I see you, you'll know why, alright. It's this freakin' baby. I'll be able to test on Halloween, so I'll let you know if I've acquired a spooky little stranger, or if all my possible baby symptoms are just an apparition.

I've got to have SOMETHING to do while I'm waiting for school to start...

So, John and I safely returned from Europe last week. If you'd like to get an overview of most of it you can go to http://www.migasj.blogspot.com

Now I am just at home...doing pretty much nothing...ALL THE TIME...

I start my instructor training and Northwest Hair Academy in November, but until then I am kind of trying to somehow justify getting no housework done even though I'm at home by myself all day.

One rather exciting distraction has been educating myself on the surprisingly exact science of making a baby. I know what you're thinking--shouldn't I have learned this in health class? Shouldn't I know about the birds and the bees by now after two years of happy and wonderful marriage?...well not so fast you apparently uniformed and overly judgemental reader. It's not all that simple. Some people are lucky enough to come upon the accidental pregnancy here and there...but not ol' Cherie, oh no. I've been crossing my fingers for an accident for two years now (27 cycles actually, but who's counting?). But it turns out those people over at Trojan apparently know what they're doing and we've been unfortunately well protected up to this point. I have, however, finally convinced the Mr. that now is a great time to start a family, and I'm not leaving it to chance anymore. I'm being proactive with my procreation, as it were. I am reading books, taking temperatures, checking consistencies, and counting down the days to expected ovulation. My husband claims that he can sense fertility, and while I've assured him that it could take several months to conceive, he is convinced I'm going to get pregnant right away. I don't put any stock in his apparent "sixth sense," and I'm not going to let the whole thing rest on his ability to "just tell," as he says with a nervous gulp. I do hope that he's right, though. Cause I am incredibly excited to move into this next phase of life. Let's just hope I can get the living room cleaned up by the time the baby comes.