Sunday, October 31, 2010

Getting Lucky

At 24 years old I've had the opportunity to gamble intermittently through the years. I've played some slots, had a couple of scratch tickets, bought in on some raffles, and even participated in the occasional harvest party cakewalk. Now I know everybody says this, but really--I never win anything! I'm not counting things that require any sort of special skill, like sports events, or bowling tournaments. That would really help drive the point home, but it would also be really depressing in my case. I'm talking, pure, unadulterated, luck o' the draw type situations. Okay, I did win a cakewalk once, but I think everyone won in that particular event cause it was a bunch of kids, and they didn't want anyone to feel like a loser...but really, in retrospect, winning a whole cake all my own is not really what I would consider great luck for a chubby 11 year old girl--that old "lifetime on the hips" adage is haunting me to this day. Okay, okay, this is not meant to be a pity party entry, let's focus people! I know you have been eagerly awaiting the news about a possible bun in the oven over at the Migas house. I'll settle the suspense by telling you that the only baked goods developing over here this month are simply the remnants of my 13 year old cakewalk win. The June baby is a no-go. It seems we may be looking at having a kid who will never know the joy of a birthday party during the school year. Some might call it cruel, but I say, all the better for a Wild Waves birthday party right?! Right. So let's talk about luck a little bit. I don't usually subscribe to it cause my Grandma always said if we believe in luck we are taking our faith away from God's ability to provide for us. But let me tell you, my friends, this whole getting pregnant thing feels a lot like a crapshoot. Even when I've done everything to put the odds in my favor, there's not guarantee that I will have success. My expectation, as you know, was not that it would happen right away. I was kinda hoping it would though. Just cause I don't like playing games for too long when I keep losing. I've racked up quite a few unfinished games of frisbee golf in my day, which can attest to this. Let's be real: twenty-one over par on one hole is not worth seeing through 8 more--unless I'm going for my all time highest over par score, which is an entirely different story of course. I'm not saying that I'm gonna give up if I don't get my hole in one. I've gotta keep throwing, I just feel a lot less in control of the outcome. I can make sure all the pieces are in play when they're supposed to be, but will I be lucky enough to have two teeny tiny elements meet at the exact right time in the right conditions and become a viable life? So much of my life, especially my childhood, included situations which I couldn't influence or control. I've had to learn over and over again how to stop striving and just rest in the will of God. But taking that step from grasping for any bit of control I can muster, into faith, and trust, and hope in the the blessings of the's just one step but I swear, in between the two there's death-defying canyon with crocodiles swimming around snapping their jaws in a rushing river at the bottom. I know, I'm not sure how the crocodiles are able to swim in place in a rushing river, or how come they can see me well enough to get really mouthwateringly hungry for dinner when I'm like 100 feet above them either. But it's all there, and it's freakin' scary. I need a sturdy rope bridge Lord! I've just got to remember that feeling of getting over to the other side. It's so much less stressful over there. They have fruity beverages with little umbrellas in 'em and stuff. You can just rest. "Be still and know that He is God" and bathe in the warm sunlight of His vast, uncompromising, miraculous, love. Deep breath taken, one last look into the eye of a ferocious crocodile, and I'm just gonna ease my way over there.
I just heard a quote the other day that I really liked, "I'd rather be an optimist and a fool than a pessimist and be right." So I'm off on my fool's quest, and as always I'll let you know how it goes.

I know my husband isn't overly disappointed--there's a few days this month he can pretty much guarantee he's getting lucky ;)

p.s. He apparently has been able to "just tell" I wasn't pregnant for about a week or so now but he didn't want to upset me by saying so...I guess I don't need to buy any more pregnancy tests for November, haha.


  1. It'll happen in His time. A friend once told me, "God wouldn't give you the passionate desire to have something in your life to not give it to you."

  2. HI Cherie, Tamara let me in on your little chronicles of conception. Very fun. Go easy on yourself - there's only a few days out of each month we can make it happen and it doesn't always. Start charting and you won't have to waste money on preg. tests. 18 high temps and your a winner! Talk soon.